The older I get, the more I realize some things just aren’t worth getting upset over. I think as age sets in you realize, hey when I wake up in the morning, it’s not going to be that big of a deal.

Often the cost of being right or making a point outweighs any benefit that might have come.

I feel like this has been an important part of marriage relationship. There are many topics that are not the marginal benefit of being right in a discussion. Why? Because an unhappy or hurt wife costs a whole lot more than the benefit of being right. What profiteth a man if he does get his way but loses his wife? What reward has he?

As my wife and I take long walks and discuss our future as parents (now only 8 weeks away), I feel like this will also be something that I want to keep in mind as our daughter grows up. In those difficult toddler years, I want to focus on the most important lessons and not make a big deal out of every action. I also feel that way she (and her future siblings) will better understand our family’s priorities. If everything is a big deal and I am constantly correcting her, how will she know when something really serious comes around?

When we fail to choose our battles, we run the risk of perpetually calling wolf.

A More Excellent Way

In our day to day interactions with those we care for and or associate with, consider how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can bless your ability to communicate and get along. When the stakes are high and emotions even higher, who better than he who can calm the winds and waves to guide your heart?

I believe the Lord taught us about choosing our battles when he taught us to “[Reprove] betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; ( D&C 121:43).

In the context of choosing our battles, consider these three principles from the verse above. There are likely others (feel free to use the space below to share your thoughts!) but we’ll start with these three.

Principle #1: Always chose your battles out of love, not anger.

With love as our motive, it greatly softens the sting of reproof or correction. When we speak up out of love, we are not motivated soley by what benefits us, but what benefits the other person as well. Often an important step in this process is frank forgiveness. If we harbor resentment and distrust afterwards, we’re hardly showing an increase in love.

Principle #2: Seek the inspiration of the Holy Ghost in articulating (with sharpness, or clarity) what the concern is.

When the Lord drove the money-changers out of the temple, he first took time to braid a whip. Likewise, it’s wise to take time to prayerfully consider what is the best approach. Is there an underlying principle or value that is being violated? By focusing on a principle or moral, it invites the spirit to testify of truth and it make it easier to avoid defensiveness. Remember, it’s not about who is right, but what is right.

Principle #3: Address concerns betimes, or in a timely manner.

Betimes means quickly or promptly. This prevents bad habits from taking root including the build-up of frustrations on either side.

What do you think? What helps you to keep things in perspective? How do you choose your battles?
Take a moment to share your thoughts in the space below!

Thanks for Reading.